Created to be Ezer Kenegdos. 10/6/2024

For years and years, these two readings have been held and read as if they are primarily about marriage. Whether I was explicitly taught or I implicitly caught this lesson, I heard the reading of Genesis to be a story to explain how all of humanity came to be: via the first man, Adam, and the first woman, Eve. And I know I was explicitly taught that our reading from the gospel of Mark is all about why getting a divorce is a dealbreaker (with the implicit message that to do so casts one into the category of “bad christian”).

I know I am not alone in these understandings of “this is what the Bible says”. And, one may surmise, the topic of marriage is why these two readings are put together on this Sunday. But, Beloved, I no longer believe any of these to be “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. “

• I don’t think this story in Genesis is a factual declaration of how humanity came to be.
• I don’t think the Living Word is declaring that divorce is a dealbreaker.
• I don’t think either of these stories are primarily and strictly about marriage.

First of all, let’s look at the story from Genesis. It is the 2nd Creation Myth that begins our Love story with God. Yep, the 2nd. Right away that’s a clue that this story can’t be “just the facts, ma’am.”  Having more than one version of our Creation, with the 2 stories right next to each other in the book of the beginning that we know as Genesis, this is our first clue that these are myths and not factual stories.  Myths are stories told to help us get a grasp on large Truths. So, while they are not stories of facts; they are stories of Truths. And the Truth in these stories, at least one of the Truths, that we are meant to grasp is that God is Creator and we are the Created.

But this particular myth has been spun for centuries with a very specific outcome. And here’s the outcome: The Bible says women are subordinate to men; that Women were created to be men’s “helper,” aka: servant. And Beloved, that is just not what this text is about at all. And it isn’t what the text even actually says….. I know, I know….the text reads: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.”
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But, let’s do a little work here. The word that is translated as “man” isn’t actually the Hebrew word for man. The Hebrew word for man is eesh.  What is in the text here is adam, (which is where we get the name Adam), and this Hebrew word, adam, actually means “human” or “humanity.” So, first of all this one sentence actually reads that God says: It is not good that a human, humanity, should live alone. And then what is often translated as “helper” or in the King James’ version: “helpmeet” is so much more than that. The words are ezer kenegdo.  Kenegdo means: alongside, and ezer means one who takes active intervention on behalf of someone else. This is about having someone, a partner, who comes alongside you—equally, not subordinately—to actively work on your behalf, for your wholeness and wellness.

SideNote here: there’s another clue in the reading from Genesis that we hear today to let us know this is a myth—did you catch it? God makes a human from dirt, then decides the human shouldn’t be alone. God then auditions a lot of animals as possible ezer kenegdos, but nope, none of them are right. So God then takes a piece of the human made from the dirt and creates a second human. An eeshah (Hebrew for woman) for the eesh (Hebrew for man).  AND THEN, the first human says: Yay! Here’s another one who is just like me: flesh of my flesh; bone of my bone!  Woo Hoo. And then our story concludes with this: Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Wait! What? What father and mother? These are two humans made from dirt! They don’t have a mother or a father…..what?  Yep, myth.  A story to help us understand that God is the Creator and humans are made for standing alongside one another in order to actively intervene on behalf of the other.  We are created to be ezer kenegdos. Not just the eeshahs, but the eesh(es) as well—the entire spectrum of humanity. Ezer kenegdos, every one of us.

But that one last sentence from today’s reading has been used to narrow our understanding of the ezer kenegdo down to two married people. One man with a subordinate wife (meaning a woman who will serve the man). Because that is how the patriarchy wanted us to understand this story. This narrow translation serves the narrative of patriarchy very well.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t actually match the narrative of the Good News of Jesus Christ.

I say that because did you catch this detail of that little nugget that is added: Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh?  In this Living Word of God…..the man, the eesh,  leaves his family, his ways, his house, his comfort…..and joins—not just joins—-but clings to his wife, becoming one. In this image, the woman, the eeshah,  is the pillar and the man is the one who must cling to her. Imagine if we actually used  THIS as our image of traditional, Biblical, and family values…….

And Mark’s Gospel story continues this narrative of pushing back against the patriarchy to raise up women—and children—in our human narrative.  In Jesus’ time, marriage wasn’t about romantic love as it often is in our culture. Not that there wasn’t room for romantic love in marriages when Jesus was alive, but Marriage was, primarily, a contract. A contract between two families and their property, their status, and honor. Divorce wreaked havoc on these things; it was about more than the two who were once-married. Many suffered from a divorce.


And the one who stood to suffer the most was the wife. Only men could demand a divorce; Women weren’t allowed to  enter a contract; a woman’s father entered the contract for her. Women were property. So if the man was not satisfied with his wife for any variety of reasons (and in much of Scripture, a man could have more than one wife), the man could ask for a divorce. Doing this put the woman at a great disadvantage. Her husband provided her entire security. If she had no family available who could or would take her (and any children her husband may not want) back into their home after the divorce, she was left homeless with no means to care for herself or her children. Jesus’ prohibition of divorce isn’t about prohibiting a divorce because it’s not nice to break a sacrament. This is a justice statement.

Jesus is declaring: Don’t forget who you are created to be: ezer kenegdos. You were made to walk alongside one another and actively intervene on the behalf of one another so that each and every one can live into wholeness and wellness. Jesus is declaring that no one in God’s Kingdom should be placed in a position of homelessness, of not knowing where to get the next meal, no one should be left to feel as if one is not worthy of having security. These two passages are primarily about God’s sense of justice and God’s design of humanity for each of us to understand that we are created to live with others—-particularly as ezer kenegdos. 
These two passages are the opposite of the patriarchal domination and oppression of women. In fact, the truths of these biblical passages condemn patriarchy, not support it.

God calls us to look at one another and in our hearts, minds and spirits to say: You are flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone! I am your ezer kenegdo and you are mine.  And yes, this is particularly lived out in the covenant of marriage—for the purpose that within this particular relationship, if we choose it, we can be shaped and formed to live differently. Marriage serves as a laboratory where those who choose marriage can learn to become better ezer kenegdos. Living differently with everyone we encounter, and even those we don’t. So that when opportunities, decisions, choices and possibilities are offered to us, we stop and consider: How will this enable me to come alongside my sibling to actively intervene on behalf of their wholeness? 

Churches are then meant to be the next wider circle. A gathered community growing as ezer kenegdos. Sundays are weekly gatherings so we can widen this practice of becoming ezer kenegdos beyond our home circles and practice this accompaniment within a wider circle. 7 years ago, Redeemer and Intercession agreed to be each other’s ezer kenegdo. Stretching and reshaping us from the inside out. As the Beloved Community, we gather, and we hold our children close and bring them into the center of our gathering, so we can say to them: Your story will be different than ours.